Humiliation

We all know the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance.

But when you are mourning a relationship I think there is an extra stage. Humiliation.

When you have shared your deep down secrets and spent years with someone...you have given a lot of yourself.  When it's over, there can be a deep shame.  I remember how divorce felt.  Shame was a huge part of that.  Infidelity leaks onto both partners involved.  My grief over Mark's death did not include that humiliation stage, just the end of our marriage.

Luckily I'm not dealing with infidelity this time.  I am dealing with the shame of apparently loving someone who did not feel the same way.  There is no real answer except to ride the feeling and let it go when it passes.

I don't think I have ever read or talked about this feeling, but I think it is probably common.  Every now and then I flush at the thought of having been so vulnerable.  It triggers my flight or fight response.

I wish I had something pithy to say about this, but I am still processing.