Awhile ago, on another forum, I posted about my "Somebody worth knowing" journal. Many of my readers rose to defend me "You have always been worth knowing" and I appreciate it. I think I wasn't entirely clear, and I definitely wasn't fishing for compliments! So I am going to try again.
I think I have been an okay friend to people and am raising my kids as well as I can. I have not, however, always felt self worth. I really started that journal as a challenge to become the best me I can become. So I learn to feel that I am someone worth knowing, who has value.
A man I knew puts little orange dots on all his art supplies and anything he doesn't want to lose. I used to tease him about it, but I understood. He valued his tools enough to not want to lose them. They were worth looking after.
I have a small orange dot tattooed on the back of my wrist as a reminder. I am worth looking after. When I got the tattoo, it wasn't about him, but about me. A reminder that I need to look after me.
So I am looking after me. Despite my overwhelming sorrow and panic this past week, I know who has my back. I also know I have done what is best for me and the kids.
This new blog is going to be a continuation of my paper journal. I may even include some of my essays in the file marked "Things I can't blog." People have often complimented me on my ability to talk about the hard stuff that many avoid discussing. I want to think about and write about the hard stuff. Maybe this is a way for me to continue the journey that started with the words "Somebody Worth Knowing."
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